Feels like quitting

When you finish college, you would begin to realize that things happening around you has some strong impact towards you. Yea, definitely “you” because you make your own choices and you suffer at your own consequences. It feels like you’re not ready for the roller coaster ride yet it already launched. You’re on the top of the trail and having some delay to scream out your fear of dying.

There are several times in my life that I’ve been wanting to quit, yet I can do nothing about it but to push on till I get used to the pain brought by my bruises or imperfections. Imagine that you’re on a solo coaster ride and in the middle of the ride you thought of giving up. Isn’t it stupidity? I guess if you would want to quit, then unlock the buckles on your chest and jump on the terrain, for sure you would end up dead or paralyzed.

I have a dream of becoming successful, but base on my situations right now, I frequently think of giving up. Everyone’s been pressuring me, upset, demanding and at the same time frustrated at me. At the back of my mind I was saying: WTF? Can you show me a little consideration or a pinch of respect? I’m already doing my best. I have shortcomings and I am aware of it, instead of yelling at me, can you please lend a hand? I already fell at my feet yet you’re still mad because I was so stupid. Just wait, I’m dusting up myself and still show you some respect.

Those were my rational thoughts and human responses on struggles that I have been through. It’s just that we don’t live on a perfect world. Maybe, we get used of the four-cornered room we used to attend in school. Sometimes, I would rather want to become a student that to become an employee. I have a tough job and rude people to interact. But what choice I can make? Will I quit, or just keep going. I would say I choose the latter. I believe that I am made to survive and overcome these situations. I believe I would learn great things from these circumstances. It’s just that God wants me to become humble. I could still recall during our Sunday school when I was a kid. God let worst things happen even to his beloved fellow countrymen. Israelites were saved from the slavery of the Egyptian pharaoh, but they were still in the wilderness for 40 long years. They crumble and complain for the rest of the days they lived, but they never thought of it as a test of character. God wants them to become humble and not to brag about their achievements. Maybe this story reminds me of fulfilling God’s plan for me and that is to remain under his wings. Maybe, I should give the all-out sacrifice he requires to prove our love towards him.

I’ve been always thinking of the “what ifs” and “maybes” of life. These are possibilities that never end and keep on haunting me. For now, I know that I have gaps in my prayer life. I keep on asking why did these things are happening to me. All my life I thought the answer is in me. I was wrong because the answer is in the hands of God.


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